I know I haven’t written in a while. I hit a bit of a downward spiral that sucked me into a black hole of depression and self pity. But this is the New Year of shiny 2015! I haven’t made any resolutions but I have made a plan, not only for the year but for my life as a whole.
I took a deep look at myself and why I wasn’t happy. I honestly haven’t been happy for a very long time and it was only getting worse. The past few months had gotten devastatingly bad and I couldn’t understand why I was so extremely miserable almost all of the time. I realized that the biggest obstacle was myself. I have spent the past year letting all the good things turn sour because of a negative self image and a constant comparing of myself to other people. i was insanely jealous and resentful of people who were supposed to be my closest friends! I’ve started making changes and slowly my life is coming back together and along with it are a lot of reality checks that I really am my own worst enemy if I want to be.
I have made a lot of excuses before as to why I wasn’t happy namely i thought it was because I wasn’t doing something that I was passionate about. That I wasn’t passionate anymore because I let the Navy consume my life and that really is not true.
The truth is that I love being in the Navy. I love serving my country and working with people from all over the world while traveling all over the world. Being a service member is hard but it is also an amazing life experience and I know in my heart that, though I might have made the decision in part to run away, it was the RIGHT choice.
I realized that I gave up writing and singing and a healthy lifestyle, all the things I loved, slowly and of my own free will in exchange for laying in bed, binge watching Netflix and overeating. Thus I became an emotional, slightly chubby, jealous and self-loathing sot.
So no more! I am back to blogging, writing down the everyday. I have no idea what this blog will become but I am going to let it evolve naturally and see what I can make of it.
I am going to sing again, even if it is only at open mics and karaoke bars, and I am going to start going to musicals and ballets and let the music back into my life.
And I am going to get fit again! I don’t have a kitchen right now, so the eating will be a challenge but I have signed up for a 6 week bootcamp and Krav Maga and I am going to kick butt! I am 25 years old and I have to get back to enjoying life before it completely passes me by.
Self pity is for the birds y’all…