Just Let Me Be

I know that being the Debby Downer makes me a tough person to work with. I fully understand that it is awkward to see someone on the verge of tears, and that sometimes there is work to be done. But I am not the type of person to let my emotions interfere with my end product….

So please, leave me the fuck alone! There is a difference between people who genuinely care about you and show concern and the people who clearly just want you to be happy because your mood is an inconvenience. I seem to be surrounded by the latter. Work and my personal life have conspired to turn into giant parallel balls of stress simultaneously and I really needed to just let out some of the stress, cry, mope, and embrace the silence solo. But this seems to bother some of the perkier people at work. In their tone I just hear, “Why aren’t you talking to me? Show me attention, dammit!”

My job is stressful all the time. Every day I am the first one there and often times one of the last ones to leave. I work hard because I believe that it is the best way to earn respect and recognition and because I take pride in how people see me. I want to produce a good product no matter what career field I happen to be in at the moment. Always be building a team of support and lifelong references. So naturally, I am usually a pleasant person at work and a reliable helping hand.

However, that doesn’t mean that I am not human. I reached a breaking point this week and right as I was digging myself out of the dark place I was approached by a person in my division who doesn’t know me very well. She asked me what was wrong and after opening up to her she responded by invalidating my worries and putting the blame in my court for my own problems. This is someone who is younger than me and doesn’t know me very well shrugging off my situation as basically an overreaction. You know I just wanted to scream or sigh and remove myself from her presence. Eveyone’s problems effect them differently.

For me, my Achilles heel is finical troubles. I grew up struggling and I am STILL struggling. Sometimes the stress just breaks my back and I need to be upset. I need to let myself mope before I get back on the horse and gallop through the rain. I DON’T need you to tell me how awesome you are doing and that I should just get over it. You make twice as much money as I do so yeah. I can see how it was a little easier for you. I worked three jobs to put myself through college.

We are all humans and I don’t understand why it is so hard to just let someone feel these days. I don’t mean a person who is over-dramatic and cries at every drop of a hat. But sometimes you just gotta feel bad for yourself. You have to let out the bad before you can embrace your blessings and make a plan for your struggles. Sometimes, feeling forced back into the light makes me retreat deeper into the shadows and I just wish people took some time before they through empty solutions at you.

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