I think this is the question every person asks about their dreams: “What if I fail?” Dreams are risky, for most of us, admitting one’s true and deepest desires allows a sphere of fear to come to the surface. What happens if we go for the things that we truly want and then we fail? Or even worse, what if we succeed? I think one of the key things I have witnessed myself doing as well as many of my friends is going for goals that are not necessarily what we truly want, but what we think is practical and achievable what we think is realistic.
I have an amazing job in the military I am challenged every single day and I get to travel all over the world. I am writing from a hotel room in Japan for Pete’s sake! But as good as I am at this job and as simple as it could be to turn this into a career and stay in a world that is sheltered and secure in a lot of ways (even though it is also difficult and trying and extremely challenging) I know that when I am truly honest with myself this is not what I am really passionate about. Every single time I take a cold hard look at myself and honestly think about the life I want to live, I see a world of traveling and writing and music with a sprinkle of politics and activism mixed in. I miss working in radio. I miss writing and having people react to my work. i miss creating and making music and jewelry and being inspired by the world! These are things that I shut out for so many reasons but the number one is FEAR.
I stopped blogging because I didn’t have the time and then just because I was scared to start again. Who is going to want to read these things that escape from my brain to my fingertips? Am I too old to keep trying to perform and sing when I will be fiver years older by the time I can actually give music my full attention? My mind is full of doubts. I had to go deep inside my mind and search my heart and then be brutally honest with myself. The result:
Dreams are hard. Failure is certain. These two things are facts and old news to boot. It seems so much easier to fail at things that are secondary. Failing at the things you want more than anything else is hurtful and hard to overcome. It’s nothing new but it is something that is easy to forget. In the end I have decided that being happy is worth the struggle. Everyone deserves to do something they love for a living and with so many successful people making it “big” later in life I really have no excuse! So I have a lot of learning ahead of me. I have to get back in to writing without the security blanket of school and work and the excuses of writing for anything but the joy of writing. Here goes nothing…