Does Anyone Else Know How to be a Woman?

I have gone through a small amount of time where I lost my voice as a writer. I haven’t been able to finish anything because I just dint think I had anything worthwhile to say. Finding myself in a gray, unhappy place I launched a journey of self-discovery and I found a lot of my unhappiness had to do with identity and femininity.

In the twenty-seven years that I have been shaped and molded on this earth I have fought, clawed, flew, risen high and overcome. However, I still feel as though I am trying to fit in to my own skin. I am launched back and forth between the zones of feeling too much and equally lacking or not enough.

I have two consciousness’ screaming that I am doing too much, taking it too far, I am too serious and also that I am not outgoing enough, trying hard enough, being the best kind of friends. I feel like I have never truly found or claimed my space as a woman in this world. I lack confidence in every aspect of my life and I am beginning to see the toll it is taking on both my goals and relationships. Some days I genuinely just don’t like myself.

I don’t know if other women feel this way, but I desperately desire a path that could lead me to some sort of understanding and acceptance of… me. I want to create a safe space where women can discuss being women: their struggles and triumphs and open ended questions for the universe. I don’t know if anyone will read it or if it will help anyone including myself.

My hope however, is to introduce a series of topics that turn into discussions where women can share their experiences and worries without fear of judgment. Where we can build on shared experiences and trials to become better versions of ourselves.

I am hoping that this becomes that space…

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HBAW #3 Why Women are Obsessed with L.O.V.E.

women-are-crazy bpSo I have always felt a bit certifiable for the thoughts that run through my head. I constantly am worried about my chronic single status. I am constantly under sefl-imposed pressure to be on the lookout for a potential partner in every man that seems to appear in my line of vision.  Even men who I stop next to at a red light!! I know that this is insane theoretically. I can fantasize years of a relationship with a guy after talking to him a few times or going on one date!

 

And in reality he most likely doesn’t even meet most of my standards. We probably have minimal chemistry and I am just too obsessed and worried that I am unlovable to see the reality of the situation.

Even Ellen knows...

Even Ellen knows…

 

But why are women so OBSESSED with falling in love? I mean, I think a good chunk of the enigma that is the beautiful Ryan Gosling is due to our projections that he is THE perfect guy. (Duh! It’s because he IS)

 

We drive ourselves crazy in desperation to find love, to find that one man who will say, three little words that WOMEN through around like free candy.  But that may be another, possibly very long, blog. Women look for love in the eyes of every attractive person they see. The guy at the coffee shop could totally be the one as long as you say the right thing or have on the right top. When in reality he is clearly gay and would look way better in that top than you, and you don’t even like (insert bland descriptor here) guys. Until recently I thought I was the only messed up brain with this fascination of finding a boyfriend. I constantly chastised myself for it, thinking that everyone could clearly hear my own inner monologue of desperate fantasy.

 

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